He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Girls should come with a carfax report
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Help. Why am I so naked?
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