No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pants are for mortals
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
