so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
