you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
