I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she looked like the before picture.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
