I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
