ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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