so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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