Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
