I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
