yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
