Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
