you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
