My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
