whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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