She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
