i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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