I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
