woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
