Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
