Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
