We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
