hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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