I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
