The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
