bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
