it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
