i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
