we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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