awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I could make wine with my vomit
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
