Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
