just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
