Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
