we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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