i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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