taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
