I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
