So drunk its hurt
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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