I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
