My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
