I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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