Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
