whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
