Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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