The maid of honor just puked.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My vagina just recognized that song.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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