May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
