hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
