Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
two words...techno handjob
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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