we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
