True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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