Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
