Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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