One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
