yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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